Battle of the Blades

The last couple of months have been kind of wild.

It started with a message from someone I don’t know, asking me if I was available to work – as an adult skater – on a show that was filming locally.

After getting some more details, I was sort of torn. On one hand, it was a reality competition show.

While I wasn’t competing, myself… I still had PTSD from my Masterchef “Adventure”.

I’d never seen such evil in my life, as I had watching what the producers did to us. Anything for “explosive emotions” on TV. It was … sick.

On the other hand, this is Canada, and even the Masterchef Canada people had a much better experience. This was also the CBC, which I love… and have a hard time picturing as being so.. sadistic.

Also? It sounded like a fun adventure.

I talked to a couple of friends who’d worked with the CBC. They assured me that this would be totally “safe”, and would be fun.

SO I said yes, shocking probably everyone who’s known me since the whole Masterchef ordeal, LOL.

This all started 2 months ago, and I don’t want to write a huuuuge recap, so I’ll cover some highlights and post some photos for posterity.

Porter’s First Job in Canada!

First off, the most awesome – and hilarious – part of this whole thing: Battle of the Blades was Porter’s first job since immigrating to Canada.

He’s only been skating since January, and his first job in Canada was… Skating.

Not only that, it was to essentially be a body double for Scott Moir, and that fact will amuse me forever.

Yes, it was in a judge’s chair – rather than actually skating… but whatever!

Porter would like to note that he prefers to refer to it as “stunt doubling” for him. ‘Okay, it’s not as accurate, but sounds more badass.’ – Porter

Our friend Tom prefers to refer to it as “being a butt double” for him.

Yeah, the amusement we’re all getting from this will last a while!

Personally, I think he should put it on his resume.

“Canadian work experience” doesn’t get much more Canadian than putting on some skates and body doubling for Scott Moir on a CBC show that has hockey players in it, right?

Other Highlights

– Meeting a fellow adult skater -Tammy – who’s ALSO a big microbiology nerd!

– Watching Ron MacLean skating was a big highlight of the experience. His FACE. He had such unbridled joy being out there, it was contagious.

– “It’s a good day when you head to work and know you’ll be hearing a lot of Bryan Adams”

– Going to the former Maple Leaf Gardens – “hallowed ground” – and getting paid to “wreck the ice a bit”.

As I understood it, the ice was SO newly installed, that it was going to cause glares on camera.

… there were little hearts all over the ice, showing through from the ground below. Little tears in liner material, I’m assuming.

Cute, though!

*****

At one point, Sandra Bezik wanted to change the wording of a piece, from something about eliminating people, to saving your favourite couple, because she didn’t want it to sound negative. ❤

So… yeah, it was literally the polar opposite of the MasterChef experience. There were cameras and I met some cool people, but those were basically the only similarities. The only thing that felt unsafe about it was walking on the ice in Crocs, LOL

*****

This moment:

*****

“Currently watching Ron MacLean do waltz jumps as Kurt Browning watches on… oh, and Sandra Bezik just walked in”

Ron: “Look, ma! No picks!”

Kurt: “They grow up so fast!”

Sandra: “Forget Tessa and Scott, THIS is Canada’s favourite pair!”

Elladj Baldé!

I hadn’t been watching ANY figure skating during my years off – it was just too hard for me – so I’d never heard of him.

The guy is not only a phenomenal skater, he was adorable and a total sweetheart. We got to watch him warm up / work on choreography during a break, what a treat!

*****

One day, I was standing in for Colby Armstrong during rehearsal all day.

After the lunch break, they set up little end tables with coffee mugs between each judge’s chair.

My earpiece wasn’t working, I went out when a couple people waved me out, which WASN’T when the director apparently wanted me, so he told me to go back.

I got a little flustered at screwing up, and accidentally backed into my table, sending my coffee mug crashing to the ice, where it shattered.

Kurt picked up the pieces and (in good spirits, not mean) made fun of me, LOL.

I … might have told Kurt Browning to shut up. OMG. LOL!

*****

As part of standing in for the judges one day, we were hooked up with ear pieces and mics…

… and HAD TO PROVIDE FEEDBACK – ON THE FLY – TO ACTUAL OLYMPIANS.

Over the mic.

To the whole arena.

As the people we were standing in for (Colby Armstrong, Tessa Virtue, and Scott Moir) WATCHED US.
Not knowing who any but one of the skaters helped me out on that a little (I was still terrified, as I hate any kind of public speaking), but when it came time to tell Ekaterina Gordeeva what I thought of her skating, I damn near shit my pants.